Ways To Get Over A Broken Heart

It can be a painful feeling when someone you love or care about has hurt you in some kind of way. Normally, when someone says that they have a broken heart, they mean that someone who they were, or still are, romantically attracted to has hurt them in some form. A broken heart can leave you feeling torn and shallow. If you have ever been in a relationship with someone and they broke your heart, then you know that the feeling can’t nearly be explained in words. You literally can have a sinking feeling in your chest that somehow hurts you emotionally. It’s an exclusive type of feeling. It’s understandable that you may feel like it hurts just about more than any feeling in the world…It goes hand in hand with love, except for it’s the dark side of it. Amongst all the bad emotions that you can possibly have, it is the one that can do the most damage. Plus, the deeper the wound, the deeper the hurt is.

No matter why you may have a broken heart, you don’t deserve to go through that painful experience any longer. Often, it’s the one emotion that lingers on. Depending on your situation and your self-esteem, you might even feel like you deserve to feel that way, so you constantly replay the memories that have caused you to feel that way. The reality is that you don’t deserve to go through that.

In my opinion, having a broken heart might just be cause for all of the turmoil in the world. It might seem extreme to take it that far, but, the root of hatred, depression, abuse, etc. is hurt.

Hurt and a broken heart are one in the same. If this is the case, obviously broken hearts should not go on. However, from past experience, I know that someone reading these words, with a broken heart, might find it laughable because it’s easier said than done. At least I may have made you laugh. I can’t just tell you to not have a broken heart. You need specific actions to take to start getting yourself out of the slump. It might not be easy to let go of, but, it’s possible; at least, it’s possible to get better, and feel better about you. Here are seventeen plentiful ways to get over your broken heart, guaranteed:

1. Decide For Change: If you haven’t already decided you wanted a change from the feelings that you are going through with a broken heart, then now would be a good time to make the decision that you want to feel better and are ready to do the things you need to in order to feel better.  If anything, do it for your well-being.
2. Accept It: Before you can change the situation you need to realize what it is, accept it, and move forward from there. You have a “broken heart”; you are hurt from something or someone. It’s causing you to lose sleep or sleep too much. It’s causing you have a lack of energy, to have a lack of motivation, to not want to be around people, to not eat properly, to be agitated, rude, or unpleasant to others, etc. Stop going through all of these motions, acting on your emotions, and instead, start to analyze them and step outside of that realm to observe your own self from the outside of your situation. When you take the time to evaluate what you are going through and how it is directly effecting your disposition and your actions, then, you are taking the time to accept it. You may have even hurt people along the way. You need to accept this as well. Don’t suppress it any longer. In doing this you will be thinking, using your mind to start the “realization” or “acceptance” process. Also, your body knows what's right for you. When you are doing what's wrong and self-inflicting yourself, it is as if you are in denial of what is right and rejecting your body's yearning for normality. When you finally acknowledge that you are doing something wrong, you accordingly will start to acknowledge what's right, endorsing change, and your body will start to appreciate this and may likely change for the better. This is good to note if you have been suffering from a physical illness.

3. Take Your Time: Realize that it’s going to take time. The time it takes for you, depends on you. It could take you a week. It could take you a couple of years. It doesn’t matter because when you’re consumed in a broken heart, you can’t see your feelings past the day. Nevertheless, aside from accepting the current moment, looking past the moment can put you past the pain. Once you have started the acceptance stage, you should have accepted that getting through this is going to take time. Though anything is possible, I would be misleading you if I said that you can get over such pain in a day. The key here is to not focus on how long it will take; you don’t know that. Why focus on something that you can’t control? It is a project. Progress is the key. What you do know is that the more work on the project and make progress, the closer you are to the finishing product. By the way, the further you get towards becoming happy again, the less important this time factor will become for you. Trying to improve yourself will become more of a life habit and you will have reached your biggest goal of becoming more in control of your happiness.

4. Get Rid of, or Stop Sulking Over Old Memories: Get rid of, or leave the pictures alone! No matter how many times you look at them, your results will be the same! You will keep reliving the past, and reliving the heart ache over and over again. Maybe, when you are healed, they won’t faze you…but right now, it’s only going to hurt your situation. You’re on a mission to be yourself again, to be happy again… don’t continue to defame yourself with some silly pictures.

5. Become, and Stay Active: Being active can refer to exercising or doing anything that includes motion of the body on a regular basis. It has been estimated that thirty to fifty percent of aging and illness is due to inactivity. Exercising is the most recommended activity because it encompasses routine and consistence. Also, exercising helps the circulation of oxygen throughout your body, increases strength and gives you a sense of well-being. When we exercise, endorphins, which are believed to relieve stress, are released in our brains. If all of that isn’t enough persuasion, being active will build your confidence and help you to loose unwanted weight. If you can afford it, hire a personal trainer to keep you motivated, help you feel special, and guide you to your perfect body. If you are willing to do research that’s needed, make the experience even more motivational by creating your own workout plan customized for you and your specific wants/needs. Print a copy of a workout routine that I personally created for myself, if it fits you. This can be found at www.thesweetsinglejourney.blogspot.com in the “health” section.

6. Find a Way to Improve Your Work: Whatever you do for a living, perfect it! Don’t become a workaholic, if you are not one already, because that’s not healthy. However, you have a lot of negative energy that we are trying to get rid of. While energy is never destructed, it is always transferred. We want to transfer it all into positive energy by doing all of these things listed, and exerting energy, that you currently have stored inside that’s giving you the blues. A great place to put some of that energy at is at work. Who knows, you might find yourself getting a raise or promoted from your good and surprising efforts.

7. Spend More Time With Family and Friends: It’s easy to take family and friends for granted. They seem to never go anywhere, so we don’t always put much energy into keeping them in our life, as we might a significant other for fear of them leaving us. Not that anyone has control over when they come and go from this earth, but you do have control over showing that you value their place here. For that reason, this is the perfect time to spend more time with them and show them that you do in-deed value them. You haven’t the destruction of a dysfunctional relationship. You have the time now. You don’t need any one individual in specific, but, you shouldn’t be alone

8. Pay Your Eating Habits Attention: You are what you eat. Really. This is a whole other project if you have been eating poorly all of your life. In any case, there are feasible things you can begin to do right away. First, if you have been neglecting food, start eating again, and, if you have been over eating or binging, reduce your food intake to what it should be. Here are some foods you may want to include in your diet:

Carbohydrates: Provide primary energy used by body
Fresh Fruits: Naturally provides necessary vitamins and provides energy
Fresh Vegetables: Provide vitamins and minerals
*Fish: It’s believed to help reduce depression because of its omega-3 fatty acids
Water: Plenty of water is essential for us, as our bodies are made of 70% water

9. Pay Your Sleeping Habits Attention: Experts say you should get 7-9 hours of sleep. You should make sure you get this amount. Of course, a healthy body is not going to get too much out of sync if this varies from time to time. However, having a broken heart is not having the healthiest body. If you are going to get out of this situation, you should consider yourself in a healing process, which means you should be doing all that you can to ignite the process and speed recovery. This would definitely include good sleeping habits. Sleep is good rest for a weary brain. It feels sooooo good.

10. Discover, or Focus on A Passion in Life: Take action with a passion that you have suppressing. If you have already engaged in your passions, don’t let a broken heart let you astray from it. It can be your best friend in such an emotional time and help you to blossom. If you don’t feel at the moment in time that you know what your passion is, that’s fine. You should search for it, but, in the meantime, pick any subject and study it. Find anything of interest to you and research it in your spare time. If you find something you are interested in, it won’t feel like work. Instead, it will be fun and stimulating. If you’re so “bugged out” right now that you can’t think of a topic to start with, try reading about moon phases, how to meditate, human vibrations, the human subconscious, anatomy, or watch the discovery channel. These should get your juices flowing.

11. Read: Note that I just stated to read. It doesn’t matter how or what you read, just read. Reading not only gives you an avenue to calm your mind of your constant thoughts, but it will stimulate your brain as well. From drifting off into another world to get away from this one, to finding new conversation topics to talk about, to simply becoming smarter and more educated (i.e. two different things). Whether you go to pick up a book at the bookstore, grab a magazine out of the local market, or browse the web, just read. Self-help books cover good topics on personal development.  Great! Looks like you’ve got this step out of the way.

12. Listen to Your Favorite Music, and Dance: Just do it. While your mindset is stuck on sorrow and grief, you may feel like there is nothing that can take you out of it at the moment, when, in fact, there are obviously plenty of things, and this is one of the quickest. The happy feeling that you’ve gotten in the past from a favorite song or artist is only a few minutes away if you just give it a chance to play… Yes, play the happy song if that’s what it is….and, yes, play the sad song if that’s what it is. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with crying sometimes, especially in the beginning. You may still be getting to know your emotions. The important things is that you keep up your efforts to eventually be able to control them; don’t keep the sad song on repeat. Please, keep the majority happy. *Sing along to the happy songs.

13. Laugh: Laughter is the best medicine. If you have to look at funny videos online, talk to a funny friend, laugh at something about yourself, or laugh out loud for no reason (I’ve done it before and found that funny in itself). You will want to incorporate this in your healing treatment, and in life period. I’m sure you know how good laughing feels, but, learn some interesting facts about why and how it makes you feel that way at http://www.buzzle.com/articles/benefits-of-laughing.html.

14. Indulge in Spirituality: No matter if you have a religious belief or not, you have spiritual beliefs. Practice what keeps your faith in life going, whatever it may be. From praying, to meditating, to reciting positive affirmations, build on your devotion to life.

15. Pamper Yourself: You don’t deserve to keep beating yourself up or falling deeper into any depression. You deserve the complete opposite. So, that’s exactly what you should do; the opposite of hurting yourself. Remember, you having a broken heart is your choice, not anyone else’s. You have the power to control your emotions. This is one of the best ways to stimulate your positive emotions. Go to a spa, go to the bookstore, go shopping, get professionally groomed, etc. Do things that honestly make you feel good, no matter what anyone else may say. If you have to, plan before you go, specifically write things down that you want to get and that are within your budget….you might be inclined to impulsive spending, which is a no-no.

16.Forgive The Ones, or The Issue That Has Placed Hurt In Your Heart, and Forgive Yourself for Keeping It There:  This may be the most important step of all. If this step is not taken, you will never fully get rid of the problem. A grudge is the worst thing you want to carry around in your heart. It starts and ends with forgiveness. This is more than a step, it’s a large platform. You must constantly forgive throughout the project. You want to do more than just say that you forgive yourself or another individual; you want to believe it and feel it. The way to truly do this is by persuading your mind that this is the case by constantly training your brain; repeat it in your mind that you forgive yourself and you forgive others. Another way is to think of all of the reasons why you should forgive. Depending on your situation and how many people are involved, you might be able to name several. Here are some:

It wasn’t meant to be; why try and go against nature? What’s meant to be is for a greater purpose, a more fulfilling outcome. Embrace it.
It will release the pain you are feeling.
You will feel lighter and have less negative energy in and around you.
It’s not as hard as you think; it’s possible.
It will give you peace in exchange.
You will grow/mature as an individual.
You will be able to love again.


17. Move On: Once you are feeling much better, get out and live your social life. Meet new people and flaunt your happiness. Spend time to yourself, family and friends first. This is needed to heal. Don’t pour salt on the womb. A broken heart can be shattered. Especially, when you are vulnerable, you don’t want to be taken advantage of. It’s hard to see in strangers which ones are really trustworthy of handling your feelings, when you’re blindly just looking to just relive a love you once had. Because you want to be able to reflect on your previous relationship for self-evaluation purposes, I don't recommend jumping from one relationship to the next. 

Your goal is to fix your broken heart, and I wish you all the empowerment.
I can assure you that life goes on, and that you can choose the vehicle of your choice to experience the ride.

Measure Your Value; Are You Worth More Than Your Assets?

What would happen if you ignored your car? We know that it takes maintenance to keep the car functioning. It takes a collection of duties to keep the car not only running but running efficiently with minimum deterioration. A car needs regular oil changes to keep its engine in good shape, it needs to be washed regularly and even waxed once in a while. With a car, you should take care of minor concerns as soon as you can to prevent serious problems and expensive repairs later on. Timely care and proper maintenance almost always ensures a longer life span for a car. It even considers the safety of its passengers. To add, even though it may seem to depreciate over the years, if it has been taken care of and shown to have maintained its superior quality, recognition is once again given to it; recognition of an even higher value than before in some cases. I can’t think of a better analogy when it comes to describing the importance of maintaining your body, and your value. Preventative maintenance for a car helps it to run in good condition, maintain value, and stay useful. The same for a person helps them to live in good condition, stay functional, keep a realization of their worth, and extend life expectancy. Similar, right?

Here’s a check-off list for you and your car. Check a list of things that you should do to take care of your car, and things you should do to take care of you. How many do you do from each list? (You should be doing everything, or having everything on the car check-off list done, and you should be doing everything on the “You” check-off list. Certainly, if you are doing more on the car check-off list, then you have some work to do on you. )



Car Maintenance
Wash Car
Maintain proper fuel for your car
Maintain Interior/Keep inside clean
Check Fluids
Oil Change
Engine Coolant, Antifreeze
Transmission Fluid
Windshield Wiper Fluid
Battery Water
Check Engine Light
Check Tires
Tune Up
Alignment and balance
Read the owner’s manual
Tend to fixing problems immediately
Lock your doors  Keep thieves out
Get a paint job, and get a wax



“You” Maintenance
Cleanse your body well
Eat a healthy diet for your body type
Keep a healthy heart and mind – Keep clean positive thoughts
Detoxify your body
Drink plenty of water – free from contaminants, but rich in the essential minerals
Cleanse Colon
Fast, or use special herbs to cleanse your system periodically
Use only natural soaps and filtered water on skin and properly brush skin
Get massages
Stay in tune with your body – aware of your emotions and body signals
Elevate your energy and vibrations, keep yourself moving and functioning at a high level
Exercise, or stay active
Balance chakras
Study and know your body – know what your body likes and dislikes, foods your body likes and dislikes, etc.
Don’t ignore your body, take proper care when you are injured or sick
Avoid having negative people in your life
Take pride and value in your appearance and the way you dress yourself

How serious is this really? If your car breaks down at unexpected moment, the worst moment, you might not be able to pick the kids up from school, you might not get to work on time, you could lose your job, get stuck in the rain, or have to go into your hard earned savings for expensive repairs. This is all why you want to use preventative maintenance, to prevent as best as you can malfunctions that can be prevented, and avoid inconveniences in your day and in your finances. Most people at least perform the basics for keeping their car running, because it’s important to them and their lifestyle.

Now, if your body breaks down at an unexpected moment, you might not be able to have kids, you might not be able to work any job, you could lose your life, or get stuck in depression, have to go into money that you don’t even have just to search for treatments for an illness...Much worse, right?

While taking care of your car, or taking care of yourself, no matter how much we seem to be taking care, unexpected things sometimes still occur…and while there’s a reason for everything, sometimes we may not be able to find or understand it. This is why you want to do your best to take preventative measures to prevent as much mishap and negativity, as you knowingly can, as possible. Doing this, you will surely have a smoother ride, in your car or in your life, compared to if you don’t.

Though this might have been a highly suitable analogy, your human body, which is a temple that encompasses your mind and soul, is far more important than a car. I hope you know that already. However, for many, their actions may not show it. This is just a good way to send a “light bulb” off in our heads to observe how we sometimes give more care and attention to everything but ourselves, when we should be at the top of the list of our assets.

I challenge you to start valuing yourself more than your car. Seriously. There’s surely nothing wrong with valuing your possessions, such as your car. I encourage you to get that oil changed, and check under the hood every once and a while to check the fluids! (This goes for us ladies too!) More importantly, I encourage you to value yourself… keep this check-off list if you don’t always take care of yourself like you should, and use it to remind yourself how important you are. You are worth more than any material things on this earth. Your car is a big investment, but you are the bank. To make things even better, once you are striving to become a “richer” you, you will begin to attract richer things in your life. Speaking of cars, it’s kind of like when you first buy a certain car and then you begin to notice that same type of car everywhere…When you change for the better, so will your surroundings. You deserve and have a duty to shine more than a brand new car off the lot… so get to it!

Are You Ready For Sex?

Sex, today, does not equal relationship. However, should it? Even though it is bluntly exemplified throughout the world that men are more likely to be willing to have sex without any prerequisites, maybe they should...?

Of course, nowadays, many women also fall into this category. If these individuals don't mind scoring on the first night, or whenever it's convenient, that is their prerogative. However, if you know that you are not the type of person that would feel good after a "hit and run", for instance, if you are emotional, sensitive, and all of the rest, then you should follow some guidelines before crossing the line. Avoid trusting the untrustworthy, and bypass the broken heart with this check-off list. If you answer no to these questions below then, maybe, you're not ready.

1. Do you know enough about your partner?

Is this person more of a stranger, associate, or friend to you? The closer they are to you the safer your emotions might be when it comes to the aftermath of sex.

• Do you know their last name?
• Do you know their middle name?
• Do you know what their occupation is?
• Do you know anything that they like to do in their spare time?
• Have you been on numerous dates already?
• Have you been to their house or place of residence?
• Have you met any of their friends?
• Have you met any of their family?
• Do you know things about their history?
• Can you point out things that they like to do? A favorite movie or food? A habit?
• Do you know how this person feels about you? Are you confident about it?
• Are you always comfortable around this person and never uneasy about something?
• Can you tell someone else 10 concrete things about this person?

• Do you know about your partner's sexual history? Have you both been tested and aware of the results?
  

2. Have you developed your "cuddle hormone" or "bonding hormone"?

This hormone is associated with nurturing and generous affection. It's name is Oxytocin. "Unconditional love", friendships, heartwarming and gushy feelings are all formed due to oxytocin. Both men and women produce oxytocin, but women release more of it than men. This chemical has a bonding affect between two people and triggers the feeling of comfort. It's main function is to bond us to our children for life. "Oxytocin reduces cravings and increases sexual receptivity. This allows making love without orgasm to be surprisingly satisfying. The affection is always there, flowing between you and your partner", claims Marnia Robinson, the author of "Your Brain on Sex", which can be found at www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain. That should take care of any size problems too, ladies.

3. Have you decided to take, or are you on a form of birth control?

Taking a form of birth control (i.e the pill, the patch, etc) is mostly common for women. You should be firm in whether you want this to be a part of your regimen when it comes to sex. For the possibility of a mishap with a condom during sex, and/or if you and your partner "slip up", birth control can be a wise choice. If you and your partner are both tested, confidently aware of each other's results, and, you both are open to the option of, on any occasion, having sex without the protection of a condom, then you should be on another form of birth control such as the ones mentioned. If you are firm on not taking birth control, as many women are, due to the many side effects and unholistic nature of birth control, and you still choose to have, or are willing to have sex without a condom, then you should be fully aware and accepting to the possibility of becoming pregnant. This should, undoubtedly, be a mutual understanding between both you and your partner.

4. Whether you are a woman or man reading this, do you know how to properly use a condom?

Condoms should be changed after each sex act.
Use the condom from the start... the amount of semen that leaves a penis before ejaculation can be enough to cause disease or pregnancy.
Never wear more than one condom at a time. The friction can lead to rupturing.
When putting the condom on, you must leave a space at the top to catch semen.
Take the condom off after sex. A soft penis can lead to seeping semen. (Andrews, Jessica C. "Summer Safe Sex Guide." Essence July 2010: 145-146)

5. Last but definitely, not least, do you want to?
This may sound silly, but it is probably the first question you should ask yourself if you are confronted with the situation at hand. Sometimes, temptation beats us to the punch, and before you know it, you are faced with sex before you have asked yourself any of these questions mentioned throughout this guideline. In the mist of your emotions, you must be able to remember that you can override them and think logically, if even for just a moment. That's all it takes, but a ton is what it is worth. Do you want to have sex, given whatever the current circumstances are? There are two answers to this question: yes and no. If you doubt, then your mind is working for you, letting you know that the action taking place should stop. It is distracting you from something that you want to confirm with yourself, or something that is against your will. This could be anything from you wanting to be married to someone first to you wanting to get to know or trust someone better. If only you could step away and take sometime to think, you would figure out what that thing is. "When your answer to this last question, "Do you want to?" is undoubtedly yes, you will know, and thus, you might just be ready.

Casual Sex: Incomplete Sex?

What’s Missing?
Sex is the highest level of intimacy that you can have with someone, at least it should be. When it’s not, it’s being misused. In short, casual sex is a misuse of sex. When individuals are having casual sex they are usually engaging in sexual activity outside of the context of a romantic relationship, in the absence of emotional attachment or love. Casual sex refers to extramarital sex, one-time encounters, and sex in a casual relationship, which is a physical (and can be emotional ) relationship that lacks romance and often monogamy. It is usually intended to only be for a limited time. In all of these cases, something is missing that makes sex what it should be; what it’s meant to be.

Ultimately, whether the individual is consciously aware of it or not, this has a negative effect on them; there ability to trust and their ability to connect with others, including the individual who they “casually” had sex with. This is because they are in “fear mode”, even if they don’t realize it. This is the case, especially for those having frequent one-time encounters. Among short-term and long-term emotional complications, there are many other after-effects from this use of sex.

Sex has a much more divine purpose than simply having an orgasm or serving as a mere means to relieve stress. You could say that sex has needs, too. When its needs are not met, but rather, abused by people, there are inevitable consequences inflicted upon them. Similar to a drug, casual sex causes addiction. Like a drug, casual sex is often exciting, with elements of fear, adventure, and unlimited possibilities. It’s enticing and delivers immediate gratification, but, the fulfillment is false. The problem is not always easy to fix. The only way to get past this cycle is to get rid of what’s causing the wheel to keep turning. Most often, for men and women the culprit is fear of intimacy. Individuals may claim that they don’t want intimacy, just the feeling that casual sex has to offer, and that’s why they have it. However, the deeper they are consumed by this “drug” the stronger their heart desires the intimacy, and the more intense their fear of it gets. Results are internal conflict and damaging emotional effects. What these individuals may fail to realize is that sex is not just a physical act. “Sex releases brain chemicals called neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin that give us intense feelings of euphoria. Also released in the brain are chemicals that regulate feelings of emotional attachment. These chemicals are vasopressin and oxytocin” (Houran, Ph.D, James. ( n.d.) “Casual Sex With Friend: Casual Sex Between Consenting Adults.” June 13, 2010 http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/datingoffice08/casualsex.html) In other words, there is no way for you to get around the natural process that sex produces, and that process is attaching and bonding you to that person. Casual sex suppresses this process resulting in abnormal outcomes, such as addiction, depression, and distress to name a few.

For the purpose of helping others to better understand the damage that can be done, I will exaggerate: Think of it as constantly ignoring that you are in love with someone. If you are having casual sex with multiple people, think of it as you are constantly ignoring that you are in love with each person as you go along. Now, don’t you think this would have some type of emotionally draining effect on you, at some point? To make matters worse, imagine when you finally meet someone, someone whom you have a true interest to build a relationship with; a relationship based off of more than just sex. How will you be emotionally stable enough to make such a thing succeed? If a person has multiple sex partners, this will lower there level of oxytocin and inhibit their ability to bond with future partners (possibly one whom they are ready to “settle down with”). (Gungor, Mark. (March 16, 2009) “ The Damage of Sexual Promiscuity.” June 13, 2010 http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/the-damage-of-sexual-promiscuity/ )


In conclusion, casual sex is nothing short of a problem that needs to be fixed. Many will contest that this is all easier said than done. Plus, like any addiction, the cycle of casual sex can be difficult to break. The first step is learning how the mind and body work. You need to understand yourself before you can make it do something. You may think you are satisfying yourself, but, if you learned that you were actually hurting yourself, wouldn’t you try and correct your wrongdoings? Sex is meant to elevate the harmony of the body, mind and spirit, amongst its many other divine abilities. Too often, casual sex defies this law of nature. What casual sex lacks is the spirit; the romance. Besides, the temporary highs that casual sex gives are in no comparison to sex with this main ingredient. One has to compare how much immediate gratification they are getting from casual sex to the amount of long term and underling deprivation they are creating for themselves with casual sex. In essence, all the casual sex in the world will not equal to the bliss of completed sex.