Like many, when I first heard of the concept being a practice and not merely "cheating", I was a little shocked, sure. Obviously, it's nothing new though. When I was introduced the idea I was at a young age. I went to a Catholic school from first to twelfth grade, so I'm sure the subject came up there a few times, as it relates to practices and cultures relating to theology.
In fact, Polygamy is not cheating at all.
Let's look at the definition of cheating:
Cheating: Refers to the breaking of rules to gain advantage in a competitive situation. The rules infringed may be explicit or they may be from an unwritten code of conduct based on morality, ethics or custom, making the identification of cheating a subjective process. Cheating can refer specifically to marital infidelity. Someone who is known for cheating is referred to as a "cheat" in British English and a "cheater" in American English. - Wikipedia
Oh boy. So there are a lot of components that classify someone as a cheater. This definition also proves a polygamist not to be a cheater.
Here's why:
1. Based on polygamy, the code of conduct clearly expresses that not only are you allowed to have multiple partners, but you can further prove your commitment to your multiple partners simultaneously by marrying each and living in the same home.
2. It's technically not infidelity. Infidelity is when a partner goes against the rules of their commitment. In polygamy the rules simply allow for multiple partners. Polygamy itself is not infidelity. Perhaps there may be rules or expectations within a polygamist marriage, such as no one within the marriage being allowed to have secret outside relationships.
3. Polygamy eliminates the competitive factor. If the multiple partners of a polygamist all know and accept their place within the collective relationship. There is not much to compete with. However, my natural woman instinct tells me that these women do, indeed, have times when they either secretly feel in competition for the man, as he may not be able to, or choose, to give each woman an equal amount of attention. Then again, you will hear people like Ellie Drake, founder of BraveheartWomen.com, say that it is not in a woman's nature to be competitive. Buuuuuut, this also doesn't mean that it's in a woman's nature to want to share her man.
*Please note, Ellie Drake is happily married, and I have no idea what her or her husband's preferences are within their marriage.*
Maybe, just maybe, Ellie Drake has a point...Well, no, I totally agree with her...But, maybe, just maybe, when multiple women are put in a situation where they have to share one thing that they all have a deep connection to, or really love, (you know how women love, "When a woman loves a man, she loves for real" - R-Kelly) then maybe they are forced into a abnormal condition in which their ego is forced to be apparent, as a natural instinct to defend themselves and claim their "territory". Again, this behavior, in my opinion, is not suited for a woman to have on a regular basis. ....Remember, it might be in our nature to not want to share our man. Hey, obviously you don't have to agree with this. This is simply my observation and inclination. I won't ever know if my theory is correct until I speak with a woman in this type of position and she sincerely expresses herself to me.
On That Note...
I don't personally know anyone in a polygamist relationship. However, I have had the opportunity to know of someone who is. =) So, I set out to find him. I wasn't sure how he would respond to me wanting to interview him on this subject. He's actually pretty famous and I actually had a hard time catching up with him. Amazingly, I finally did. I was so thankful that he agreed to do this interview with me and at no cost! He told me he valued his beliefs and completely understands people's opposition towards it simply because they have not tried to understand things from the source. Additionally, another man who I had the opportunity of meeting while getting in contact with Akon is a polygamist as well. He agreed to join in on the interview to give his input as well. I told them about my blog and how my mission is to create an environment where education and inspiration is focused on, open-mindedness is embraced, and opinion bashing is banned. Of course, I mentioned to them my opinion about women feeling abnormal competition within a polygamist relationship. Akon replied, "I understand how you can think that. It's just not that way, though."
Interview With Akon and Hebrew:
Me: Have you ever considered being in a monogamist relationship?
Akon: I prefer polygamy. I can afford to have as many wives as I can afford to have.
Me: Do your wives ever get jealous of each other?
Akon: No. It depends. If they grew up in the culture then they don't get jealous at all, because they understand the culture.
Me: So, they don't ever get jealous? How is their relationship with each other?
Akon: No, since they understand the culture they don't get jealous. They talk on the phones with each other, they go shopping together… everything. It's normal.
Me: So do you consider this to be a cultural thing, or do you believe it to be a natural "man" thing?
Akon: Both.
Me: I just have this feeling or perception that it's not natural or, rather it's not "right". Would you say that this is a perception I have just because I was raised to believe monogamy is right and polygamy is wrong? How do you explain to others why you practice polygamy?
Hebrew: See, you have to understand that the Europeans flipped the script on us and turned the whole thing around and the reality is, we can do it. It's a natural process for us to do it, and our women know it's a natural process, but society has molded them to do something that is not natural. Europeans don't physically desire women like the black man desires women. Then they made it against the law. Yahweh didn’t' make it against the law.
Me: I hear you. So what are your feelings about gay marriages being legal?
Hebrew: "They" changed the laws to fit their nature and what they do. They don't condemn homosexuality even when the biblical law says kill a man that lies with a man. Then, they make it wrong to have more than one wife!
Me: Wow. Is this something that you guys grew up around or is this a practice you developed later in life?
Akon: No, it's a family and a culture thing. My dad has four wives.
Me: What about adultery? Aren't you committing adultery?
Hebrew: Adultery is when a man sleeps with another man's wife.
Me: So, since you are a man practicing polygamy, if you sleep with another woman who is not anyone's wife, it's not adultery?
Hebrew: No.
Me: Akon, I haven't heard too much about you being a polygamist in the media. To be honest, I don't ever hear much about polygamy period. Why do you think it's so shunned and swept under the rug. Are polygamist ashamed? How do you keep your marriages under wraps being a popular rap star?
Akon: I actually got a call from the President of a particular country in Africa once advising me to not speak about the subject publicly, that he didn't want it to be promoted.
Me: Why?
Akon: I'm in a industry where they promote fornication, drugs, and a lot of negative things. The practice of polygamy would surely be misunderstood in all of that. I don't have multiple girlfriends and mistreat women. I have wives.
Me: Are you implying having multiple girlfriends is different from having multiple wives?
Hebrew: We're not players or pimps. So, yes it's different. On the other hand, the media doesn't mind portraying us to have laid with a thousand groupies, but, when a man has multiple wives who he takes care of it's a problem? They want us to be thrown off and foolish and teach our women to be the same way.
Me: Obviously, you are strong in your beliefs. Do you then think that monogamy is wrong?
Hebrew: If a man wants one wife, let him have one wife. If a man want's multiple wives, let him have multiple wives. You have all of these men cheating and wondering what's wrong with them. They feel as though they need to continue to pray to get "lust" out of them, thinking that they are doing something against God. They cheat on their wife and feel bad thinking that they love her, but, wonder why they can't leave another one alone. It's simple, if you go against your nature, you're gonna lose.
Me: In other words, what you practice is normal. Correct?
Hebrew: From the beginning of time, man had more than one wife, and it is prevalent throughout the bible.
Me: This might be a lot to take in for a lot of people today.
Akon:You just have to take the time to understand a guy. When you understand a man you understand a world.
...Did You Know?
Did you know that there is also something called "group marriages"? Fascinating? Well, of course! For those of us who rarely see a man with multiple wives, seeing a group of multiple wives and husbands might be strikingly eye catching. A group marriage is when the marriage involves multiple husbands and wives. No, this is not fictitious, it's real life. How’s that for you swingers? (If you are a swinger I deeply hope you are not offended by my previous comment. It's all in fun. ) Group marriages are a type of polygamy. There are three types; one, polygyny, where a man has multiple wives (the more popular version), two, polyandry, where a woman has multiple husbands (the more fantasized version), and three, group marriage, where there are multiple wives and husbands. Polygyny is the form of polygamy that definitely seems to be more common, or heard of. Why? I guess the world will never know. However, I can say that the collective man seems to embrace the idea of more than one partner far more than the collective woman does. I could interview a hundred men and a hundred women at random in different parts of this country, and perhaps others, and ask them all the same question, "Would you like to marry more than one of the opposite sex at the same time?" I'm inclined to believe that the majority of men would say, "Yes!", and the majority of women would say "No. I'm fine with one husband." Do you catch my drift? Why do more men accept, embrace, and agree with the idea of polygamy? Maybe it's because they desire the variety of women. Why do more women reject and disagree with polygamy? You tell me. Is it because they feel it's not morally right? Do many women secretly agree with a man having multiple wives?
I can say, if I did take a poll, that every answer may not be the same. It's just like asking someone if their religion or spiritual belief is right or wrong. It seems impossible to get everyone to agree and will always be based upon a belief system. Some matters, however, go beyond religion, and I believe that polygamy is one of them. This is a matter of us as men and women. Essentially, we are all the same. What is it that we truly collectively believe in when it comes to life partners? Isn't this more than a marriage thing? After all, the United States does not even allow individuals to marry more than one person (one person at a time). They are allowed to divorce and re-marry but cannot be married to more than one person at a time. This does not mean that there are not people here who agree with and practice the essence of polygamy acts. They just simple don't have the marriage label, or, they might marry one woman, and still openly have other women living with them as partners. After thinking about this, I find it extremely interesting that the United States doesn't allow them to marry with all the other things that the they "allow". I get the feeling that this is primarily for religious reasons. The gays had to fight for their marriages to be legal in some states. They still are fighting in other states where it is not yet legal. Yes, I did say "yet" because they are winning with their collective efforts. This makes me wonder, if there where a lot more polygamist believers in America, would there be a fight for their rights in marriage?
A marriage bonds people together by ceremony and paper. What about those who don't believe in marriage? They still have relationships. When you strip religion and marriage away, we all still have something in common; relationships. Now that we're down to the core of things, you have three types of people; those that have intimate relationships with multiple partners at the same time while all parties are all aware of the entailments, those that have intimate relationships with multiple partners at the same time with the intentions of keeping affairs a secret, and those who only have intimate relationships with one person at time. Where do you fit in? Is there one that is the best for the sake of a human being? Gosh, I'd like to know if there was an answer for this. Unfortunately, like most things in life there may not be a definite answer. In other words this topic is up for an infinite discussion.
The question is definitely not if Polygamy is cheating. I won't even say that the question is whether it is wrong or right. I will say that the question is do you or don't you agree with Polygamy, and why. Very few people agree with cheating as it goes against good intentions, but, there are many, of those same people, who do agree with polygamy.
Do you agree with polygamy or don't you? Why?...
Hum? What was that? I can't hear you, please comment below!
Final Thoughts
My only other thoughts on this subject, is how do you propose to multiple women at the same time?
Do you just do one at a time? How does the scenery play out for this? Does the man decide on a specific number of wives that he would like to have and seek for that number until he is satisfied, or does he just marry however many he chooses as he goes throughout his life. Is there a limit to the number of wives that is deemed respectable? Does divorce ever happen amongst situations of polygamy? If so, how do the remaining wives feel about the particular divorce? Is infidelity as prevalent within a polygamy driven society as it is in the monogamist society? (Infidelity is a breach of the expressed or implied exclusivities expectations, usually regarding sexual matters.)... Are there even any strict expectations of sexual exclusivities within a polygamist marriage? What about those in America who practice this without the marriage vows; are there restrictions here, or is it just labeled an "open relationship".
As you can see I have a lot of questions on the subject.
Are you a polygamist? If so, feel free to feel me in on your experience and possibly answer some of my curiosities. Are you not a polygamist? Please feel free to join the topic. I believe it is necessary to be open to the many practices of this world in order to be worldly. Please comment. Don't be shy.
:-)
If you are a party of any of the scenarios that I have presented in this post, please contact me. I would like to interview you for further posts on this subject and/or relating subjects.You can contact me via the "Contact Me" button above or email me directly at msperkins7@gmail.com.
*Please note: Interview with Akon is not real. It is based off of an real interview.*
You can view the real interview below. I have posted Part 1 and Part 2 of an interview with Akon regarding the subject of men having more than one wife.
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