Casual Sex: Incomplete Sex?

What’s Missing?
Sex is the highest level of intimacy that you can have with someone, at least it should be. When it’s not, it’s being misused. In short, casual sex is a misuse of sex. When individuals are having casual sex they are usually engaging in sexual activity outside of the context of a romantic relationship, in the absence of emotional attachment or love. Casual sex refers to extramarital sex, one-time encounters, and sex in a casual relationship, which is a physical (and can be emotional ) relationship that lacks romance and often monogamy. It is usually intended to only be for a limited time. In all of these cases, something is missing that makes sex what it should be; what it’s meant to be.

Ultimately, whether the individual is consciously aware of it or not, this has a negative effect on them; there ability to trust and their ability to connect with others, including the individual who they “casually” had sex with. This is because they are in “fear mode”, even if they don’t realize it. This is the case, especially for those having frequent one-time encounters. Among short-term and long-term emotional complications, there are many other after-effects from this use of sex.

Sex has a much more divine purpose than simply having an orgasm or serving as a mere means to relieve stress. You could say that sex has needs, too. When its needs are not met, but rather, abused by people, there are inevitable consequences inflicted upon them. Similar to a drug, casual sex causes addiction. Like a drug, casual sex is often exciting, with elements of fear, adventure, and unlimited possibilities. It’s enticing and delivers immediate gratification, but, the fulfillment is false. The problem is not always easy to fix. The only way to get past this cycle is to get rid of what’s causing the wheel to keep turning. Most often, for men and women the culprit is fear of intimacy. Individuals may claim that they don’t want intimacy, just the feeling that casual sex has to offer, and that’s why they have it. However, the deeper they are consumed by this “drug” the stronger their heart desires the intimacy, and the more intense their fear of it gets. Results are internal conflict and damaging emotional effects. What these individuals may fail to realize is that sex is not just a physical act. “Sex releases brain chemicals called neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin that give us intense feelings of euphoria. Also released in the brain are chemicals that regulate feelings of emotional attachment. These chemicals are vasopressin and oxytocin” (Houran, Ph.D, James. ( n.d.) “Casual Sex With Friend: Casual Sex Between Consenting Adults.” June 13, 2010 http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/datingoffice08/casualsex.html) In other words, there is no way for you to get around the natural process that sex produces, and that process is attaching and bonding you to that person. Casual sex suppresses this process resulting in abnormal outcomes, such as addiction, depression, and distress to name a few.

For the purpose of helping others to better understand the damage that can be done, I will exaggerate: Think of it as constantly ignoring that you are in love with someone. If you are having casual sex with multiple people, think of it as you are constantly ignoring that you are in love with each person as you go along. Now, don’t you think this would have some type of emotionally draining effect on you, at some point? To make matters worse, imagine when you finally meet someone, someone whom you have a true interest to build a relationship with; a relationship based off of more than just sex. How will you be emotionally stable enough to make such a thing succeed? If a person has multiple sex partners, this will lower there level of oxytocin and inhibit their ability to bond with future partners (possibly one whom they are ready to “settle down with”). (Gungor, Mark. (March 16, 2009) “ The Damage of Sexual Promiscuity.” June 13, 2010 http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/the-damage-of-sexual-promiscuity/ )


In conclusion, casual sex is nothing short of a problem that needs to be fixed. Many will contest that this is all easier said than done. Plus, like any addiction, the cycle of casual sex can be difficult to break. The first step is learning how the mind and body work. You need to understand yourself before you can make it do something. You may think you are satisfying yourself, but, if you learned that you were actually hurting yourself, wouldn’t you try and correct your wrongdoings? Sex is meant to elevate the harmony of the body, mind and spirit, amongst its many other divine abilities. Too often, casual sex defies this law of nature. What casual sex lacks is the spirit; the romance. Besides, the temporary highs that casual sex gives are in no comparison to sex with this main ingredient. One has to compare how much immediate gratification they are getting from casual sex to the amount of long term and underling deprivation they are creating for themselves with casual sex. In essence, all the casual sex in the world will not equal to the bliss of completed sex.